Transcendental Masturbation

Yesterday Ben returned from Pennsylvania. It's good to have a compadre but oddly that's not what I want to discuss. I remember my first trip to Pennsylvania, the vania had me thinking of Dracula. I remember my first sleepless night in life, it was spent on a cot in an Econo Lodge listening to my father snore and thinking there was no way even Dracula would wake him up. I thought I heard milk curdeling screams throughout the night, I jumped and started and had no idea what to do. During those long hours I also masturbated for the first time. I discovered myself and the pleasure I could give to that reflexivly conjugated me. Thank you pennsylvania, and thank you Dracula you're still the best fantasy I've ever had.

My First Post

I now have a blog, apparently. I started it to respond to something on Andy's blog and now I have one too. I think I'll probably use this sorta often seeing as how I'm frequently sitting at work and don't want to write Leases or whatever. While I have the mic for the first time I'd like to say thanks to my millions of fans, thanks for making all of this possible. The support you Desperate Gasp fans have shown has been overwhelming. One thing though, please stop sending three-bean casseroles to my house, I can't eat them and they're piling up and starting to smell. In reality now, I'm selling Real Estate (or trying to). I really get the feeling that Real Estate is the reason god put me on this earth (beyond hitting the bitches and flippin' the switches of course). So if you need a house, or just a taste of my popular/sexy/divine ass give us a call. I think I'm going to name my first album "my popular/sexy/divine ass". By the by, Belle and Sebastian's "If You're Feeling Sinister" is totally where it's at.
"If you're feeling sinister,
Go off and see a minister,
He'll try in vain to take away
the pain of being a hopeless unbeliever.
La La LA LA La"
Makes good chuckles come up that taste like happy.
Cheers