My Cock: Nature's Only Ergonomic Device
That was one of those little snippets that was gonna become a frequent update to this site. Instead there have been ... no updates to this site. Somebody's really falling down on the job here. Oooops.
So I've been doing a lot of reflecting on friends and associates I've had over the last 6-10 years and which relationships were really positive and helped me in my life. I've noticed two things during this relfection period. First and foremost, I have uncommon perceptions of friendship, loyalty, family which are pretty rigid in that both family and friends (real ones mind you, drug buddies don't count) is that regardless of time or mood you're there for them. I mean otherwise I could hang out with people I meet at the supermarket. So the other is that with the exception of 2 people and my parents, nobody is really going to be "there for me" consistantly. This is where we got the idea of marriage I think. One morning you wake up and somebody looks at you and says, "Tricked you, now you have to wake up here every morning till you die", the upside being that there will be somebody to help you out when you shit yourself later in life. But what is to be gained from interpersonal interaction? Most of my realationships, even with my "best friend" feel like just a continued holding pattern to pass the time. Truth is I'm happier alone. Since that whole stint after London and being on the road and the isolation of senior year, I feel better when I'm alone. Most of my heavy drug use was pushed by social forces. Admittedly I loved my drugs and I loved them also for their occasional isolation, but it was always somehow a social event to find purchse and consume substances with others. Drug Buddies. What's the real difference between somebody who comes by once a week to trip or shoot up and somebody who swings by once a week to laugh? I know a lot of people who feel one action is inherantly more noble than the other, but there is really no difference. A lady friend with whom you're intimate but there is no emotional support is nothing more than a fuck-buddy. And friends, no matter how well the relationship works or how good the humor is, without sacrifice and some level of emotional dedication are little more than using buddies. The only upshot is really that they don't steal your shit like drug buddies.
So where does this new outlook leave us? Well I've stopped telling my friends what's really going on. There just doesn't seem to be either a point or an opportunity. Really though I think its that there isn't really anybody around who gets me. I can't remember the last time I sat with one of my friends and what they said helped me. I know a lot of funny people, but I don't know anybody with a soul I like anymore. Anna used to fit the bill. Maybe its that the people I'm friends with don't have any knowlege of desperation or pain. It sounds arrogant to say they don't have any knowledge, cause they obviously do have some. But witht he exception of Ben I don't think my friends know what its like to need one thing more than anything else. Or even know what its like to need somebody to just sit with you. an understanding of suicide. I'm not saying that these are the pre-requisite coversation topics, but just like I can tell when somebody has been the vicitim of sexual assault (generally, I'm actually really accurate) I can tell when somebody has been there (I have no idea where "there" is ergo the vague term there).
So I guess that's it. Open Houses to do today. Selling real estate for money. and another evening at home. I want to make it clear that I don't resent any of my friends or family for the lack of real meaning or value to our interaction, I suppose I blame myself. It's easier that way. I'm really a pretty easy going guy.
So I've been doing a lot of reflecting on friends and associates I've had over the last 6-10 years and which relationships were really positive and helped me in my life. I've noticed two things during this relfection period. First and foremost, I have uncommon perceptions of friendship, loyalty, family which are pretty rigid in that both family and friends (real ones mind you, drug buddies don't count) is that regardless of time or mood you're there for them. I mean otherwise I could hang out with people I meet at the supermarket. So the other is that with the exception of 2 people and my parents, nobody is really going to be "there for me" consistantly. This is where we got the idea of marriage I think. One morning you wake up and somebody looks at you and says, "Tricked you, now you have to wake up here every morning till you die", the upside being that there will be somebody to help you out when you shit yourself later in life. But what is to be gained from interpersonal interaction? Most of my realationships, even with my "best friend" feel like just a continued holding pattern to pass the time. Truth is I'm happier alone. Since that whole stint after London and being on the road and the isolation of senior year, I feel better when I'm alone. Most of my heavy drug use was pushed by social forces. Admittedly I loved my drugs and I loved them also for their occasional isolation, but it was always somehow a social event to find purchse and consume substances with others. Drug Buddies. What's the real difference between somebody who comes by once a week to trip or shoot up and somebody who swings by once a week to laugh? I know a lot of people who feel one action is inherantly more noble than the other, but there is really no difference. A lady friend with whom you're intimate but there is no emotional support is nothing more than a fuck-buddy. And friends, no matter how well the relationship works or how good the humor is, without sacrifice and some level of emotional dedication are little more than using buddies. The only upshot is really that they don't steal your shit like drug buddies.
So where does this new outlook leave us? Well I've stopped telling my friends what's really going on. There just doesn't seem to be either a point or an opportunity. Really though I think its that there isn't really anybody around who gets me. I can't remember the last time I sat with one of my friends and what they said helped me. I know a lot of funny people, but I don't know anybody with a soul I like anymore. Anna used to fit the bill. Maybe its that the people I'm friends with don't have any knowlege of desperation or pain. It sounds arrogant to say they don't have any knowledge, cause they obviously do have some. But witht he exception of Ben I don't think my friends know what its like to need one thing more than anything else. Or even know what its like to need somebody to just sit with you. an understanding of suicide. I'm not saying that these are the pre-requisite coversation topics, but just like I can tell when somebody has been the vicitim of sexual assault (generally, I'm actually really accurate) I can tell when somebody has been there (I have no idea where "there" is ergo the vague term there).
So I guess that's it. Open Houses to do today. Selling real estate for money. and another evening at home. I want to make it clear that I don't resent any of my friends or family for the lack of real meaning or value to our interaction, I suppose I blame myself. It's easier that way. I'm really a pretty easy going guy.
posted by pepekeroauc at 7:59 AM
0 comments
