I am graduating
I would like to address this post to the douche-tastic douche who commented on my last post. The beauty of the internet may be that after baring your soul of trite depression you may get as a response a cheap offer to purchase a degree. But said cheap offer did help buck me up. Firstly, because I'm not that douche. Secondly, because I am going to graduate college, which aside from training myself to hit the ceiling (here begins the contest, first one to comment and explain what the preceeding means wins dinner from Jake) was the most psychologically taxing endeavor of my life. Not only that, but I'm still growing up. The hormonal cocktail has smoothed out, I'm actually servicing all my debt and even decreasing it, and for the phrase-in-french I really like myself (also losing weight don't hurt neither). But god was that guy a douche. I mean, a community college degree would mean more, likely cost less, and to be honest if you pick english or history or better yet psychology or anthropology, you really don't have to attend class to pass.
Also my graduation is May 20th. Any and all are more than welcome to attend. This is the demarcation point between my previous self and Billy Jean King. Once I get my degree I will become a strong and fierce female athelete, moving boundaries not only within my sport but within society itself ... wait. When I get my degree I'll be in the same job, same gender, same gi-normous penis (thank god), so where's the change? I played the game and won. end of story. Also, I'll get to go back and say goodbye. I've said a lot in my head about the people and places of college, but here's the end of it finally. So I'm graduating, congratulate me. Send me money. Also be informed that my graduation party will take place in late June and I'm trying to obtain a house for the period. Just RSVP. If you know me you'll know the #, if not you're likely a douche whose crappy pseudo-college holds nothing I need. But if you happen to fit into a third catagory of prostitute whom I've never met but wishes to give me freebies as a reward for my big sexy brain, I can be reached at 508-563-9777, just ask for Vitamin-J and tell the lady, "bitch I need my vitamins."
Also my graduation is May 20th. Any and all are more than welcome to attend. This is the demarcation point between my previous self and Billy Jean King. Once I get my degree I will become a strong and fierce female athelete, moving boundaries not only within my sport but within society itself ... wait. When I get my degree I'll be in the same job, same gender, same gi-normous penis (thank god), so where's the change? I played the game and won. end of story. Also, I'll get to go back and say goodbye. I've said a lot in my head about the people and places of college, but here's the end of it finally. So I'm graduating, congratulate me. Send me money. Also be informed that my graduation party will take place in late June and I'm trying to obtain a house for the period. Just RSVP. If you know me you'll know the #, if not you're likely a douche whose crappy pseudo-college holds nothing I need. But if you happen to fit into a third catagory of prostitute whom I've never met but wishes to give me freebies as a reward for my big sexy brain, I can be reached at 508-563-9777, just ask for Vitamin-J and tell the lady, "bitch I need my vitamins."
posted by pepekeroauc at 8:46 AM
8 Comments:
Nobody has won my contest yet. Nobody has read the post likely, however, this is my favorite post to date. Don't know why but I like the tone and the flow. And somebody please win my contest, I'm hungry already.
whaaaa? I thought you already graduated college in 2004. Have you been living a lie? I don't know why you trained yourself to hit the cieling, but I guessed it had something to do with Psychedelics
Sorry, I mispelled "ceiling."
Julia,
Close but no cigar. I didn't graduate in 2004, I have been living a lie. But I do have the great honor of graduating late along with River Cuomo the frontman of weezer. As to the hitting the ceilling thing, we'll just have to wait for a more astute guess. But Julia thanks for playing.
wow. youre an enigma. Oh right, isnt he graduating from harvard?
Yep from Harvard. He's also getting married. I like that he's marrying a Japanese woman, it kind of reinforces Pinkerton.
I feel honored that I have cracked the enigma that is Jake: "training myself to hit the ceiling" has nothing to do with hands and punching but everything to do with masturbation and vertical ejaculations.
Jeremy wins. Although I guess we're all really winners. Except for those poor facilities people who had to clean the ceilings of my college dorm room.
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