Nuptuals to Come Hangovers for Now

My good friend Jeremy's good brother Ryan will be wed in early 2007. Jennifer, his betrothed is a lovely and engaging lady who seems to earnestly care for Ryan and his family. I support their marriage. As I did yesterday when I served as bartender for their engagement party. I poured liquor to all of their various and sundry friends and family. I listened to uninteresting people say uninteresting things and very interesting people live up to their own personal hype of being interesting. There were robots at the party. Robots make me feel inadequate, I'm glad I'm not friends with any. In that actually robots are kind of like lesbains. Lesbians always make me feel a little inadequate. Lobster is tasty however, and eating lobster makes me feel less inadequate. There was no lobster yesterday. Nor were there any lesbains, that I could spot. Generally I just felt as though ryan and Jenny were travelling down a path I'd never see personally. Try as I might I just don't see long term monogomous committment in the future for me. Not cause I'm a stud or whatever who can't be tied down but mostly cause the last two ladies I've fallen for haven't been willing to "limit their experience".
The really upsetting bit is that I don't really require that anymore, in actuallity it scares me when a girl gets that one and only you look in their eye. I suppose the last two go rounds have just left me incredibly gun shy. I miss believing in forever. Especially as my own family dynamic shifts into a potentail divorce ridden mode. Although the more I think about it the more I decide that divorce is an ax always hanging above any couple who tries to say forever. Forever doesn't exist. There is neither the finite nor the infinite. There is no closure cause things don't really end, there is no forever because everything ends sometime, and most things don't even end at the same time. So it's just an aggregate of moments in which hopefully you and another person find fulfillment in each other? Maybe. God knows that can happen. Can happen with an all consuming passion, but mostly I'm just amazed that only time Buddha's pessimism seems truly inescapable is with regards to love. And yes Buddha was a pessimist. Any man who can't see that anticipation is half the joy of having something well I just don't think we see eye to eye. To have become infatuated and never been acknowledged is better than to have been castrated at 7. Take that Buddha.