Tsunami victims ain't got nothing on me

It is raining. It has been raining since the day I was born and it doesn't show signs of stopping. That's a bit over the top but god damn. It's been the worst wet 5 days that have kept me from playing Golf. The Lesbian office manager who tells me what to do is gone and my parents seem on the verge of World War 3. I feel like a teenager again. My father even went so far as to say "I think I'll be drinking tonight." For a recovered alcoholic this shows that things aren't skipping along too smooth. But on a more positive note The heavy regimine of blunts has helped quell the uprising in my loins. That rash is almost history, along with my sperm count. Stoners don't need condoms. I also read in the news recently that we've stopped looking for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. I sincerely thank the good lord that they didn't feel the need to plant any. Although that they thought "what the fuck, we've already fought the war and won the election so lets just stop the charade, no one will care that there weren't any weapons" really scares me. Although what's even more scary is that the powers at be have been spot on with every gamble and every cynical judgement they've made about the american people. If only their underestimation of the Iraqi's had gone as smoothly.
Smooth is a good word. It's enticing, kinda like smoothness. It also means something, unlike a slew of other words (such as slew for example). Smooth doesn't just mean not rough, no, it implies a sheer surface that won't bring you down with friction but excite you with ideas like perpetual motion machines and a person's ass. Smooth is also a way of describing a person. A smooth person is more than style and good transitions, a smooth person is a sort of social demi-god. Smooth also features in the song Smooth Criminal. Which hails from the golden era when Micheal Jackson made movies with children instead of sleeping with them. I keep searching for a picture of his penis on all the celebrity mugshot websites but to no avail. With that pic, some superbowl stills and enough photoshop skills I could totally make a flash Micheal-Janet incest video. anyways, I don't have anything much of substance to report other than my parents are fighting, I'm kinda down, Micheal Jackson's a perve, the weapons of mass destruction were under Saddam's mattress and we missed it, Bad was an amazing album (which doesn't excuse molestation, although R Kelley certainly seems to get away with it), oh yeah, and keep it smooth baby ... real smooth. To all my loyal readers, I'll catch you cats on the flip flop.


-D.J. Smooth (who's really upset that mommy and daddy aren't getting along right now)